5. 20. 2009 10 days ...
;)
It is 10 days before my birthday. I have zero plans so far, and I find this a bit depressing. I blame my family for this excitement and obsession with my birthday. I was the youngest of 5, and also a sick little girl, so you can imagine the big deal they made. Memories of childhood birthdays have melded into the simple feeling of being loved by those around me; laughter; birthday cake on my face; all-day events attended by every living relative and even friends of my siblings, enormous meals, presents, and coffee and cake late into the night when I could barely keep my eyes open.
Even when it was my brothers' or sister's birthday, I had a seat of honor, front row, on the lap, in front of the cake, ready to blow those candles out.
So you can see, I've been ruined.
I start thinking about what to do for my birthday months before the actual day. I am a needer of plannage. I am, it is a bad quality to have, I think. I need a plan. This need for a plan (perhaps control?) has honestly caused me a lot of stress and general fretting. Especially because everyone else thinks I'm crazy to take it so seriously. I can think of worse faults to have, though, and in being aware of my little issue, I've learned to try to take it less seriously. (right!)
Like this year. I'm not planning. I'm going to let it go by, pass quietly. See what happens. Though I know what will happen...it will go by and then it will be May 31, and June 1, and June 2. I won't have disintegrated and the world will still be turning. My official age will click up one number, and I'm used to that anyway because I've been telling people I am 38 for awhile now.
;)
As the birthday nears, I notice distinct changes in my face. I see lines. I see youth fading. It's been a difficult few years but I did not expect to see the changes so suddenly. For the first time ever, after sitting in the sun for awhile (which I will NEVER do again), I went in for a pee break only to look up in the mirror and see two glaring brown splotches on my face. I was horrified. They faded but there is only one conclusion. I am getting older. I am more older than younger. Not only am I getting older, but I am now starting to look my age.
Now, this picture is me, bared, 10 days before my 38th birthday. No makeup. No hair gel or primping. This is my face. This is it.
So be it.
Reader Comments (10)
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You look beautiful! You have a lot of 'youth' left in you :)
Me without makeup would just be scary!!
Glad your birthday turned out to be more 'celebrated' than you thought it would be.
I enjoyed reading your thoughts on how we celebrated as a family. Nice memories :)
((((( )))))
Responding to your comment on Munich Daily Photo.
Have you found other good rollerblading areas around Munich? I was not aware of the one around the airport. I have gone blading around the Regatta - just down the road from Oberschleisheim, but wondering if you know of others. Thanks.
Happy very belated birthday. you look fantastic. didn't you know 38 is the new 29? liebe Grüße von Ilse
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